I’ve fought all month to not write up a daily horror movie blog or make a listicle devoted to my favorite scenes from Dead Alive (silly, I know. THAT ENTIRE MOVIE IS THE BEST SCENE).

Anyway, back on point – Food of the Gods.

This is without a doubt, the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen. It’s poorly written, acted, directed, and the title makes not a lick of sense. I guess the “food” is the oatmeal we see pouring out of a rock once or twice, but when you…

No, I refuse to argue with myself about the logic involved in this mess.

Disclaimer: I watched this movie on some schlubby cable network at 2 in the morning…possibly intoxicated, but still – holy shit. This flick is trash, trash, trash.

Because my brain can’t hold this amount of awful, here’s the plot summary from IMDB. Mind you, there is no synopsis. Why?

Because nobody wants the world to end. I’m fairly certain if the words that would form a synopsis to this shit-show were sequenced into a chain of multiple repeated characters (what layman call a paragraph) we would all die a screaming, fiery death.

Anyway, as per IMDB:

Morgan and his friends are on a hunting trip on a remote Canadian island when they are attacked by a swarm of giant wasps. Looking for help, Morgan stumbles across a barn inhabited by an enormous killer chicken. After doing some exploring, they discover the entire island is crawling with animals that have somehow grown to giant size. The most dangerous of all of these, however, are the rats, who are mobilizing to do battle with the human intruders.

Yes, the rats. The rats. I can’t ruin it. Nope. Just let me tell you. Everything about the finale of Food of the Gods and the battle against the raiding giant rats might give members of the ASPCA full seizures.

Needless to say, you’d need to watch the movie, or at least the ending to truly understand the awfulness. Skip over to 1:10:00.

Seriously, don’t be dumb enough to watch the whole thing.

Now, the rats. Tell me these people didn’t kill a few of those poor bastards while making this movie. The irresponsibility is nearly hypnotic.

I’m so glad to finally share this pain with you all.

Tomorrow, I review my all-time favorite horror movie for Halloween – Clive Barker’s B-Movie masterpiece, Nightbreed, based on his novella, Cabal.

Get HYPED.

-Angel