Generic Holiday Listicle #461

Better fictional Italians to celebrate than Christopher Columbus:

  • Chef Boyardee
  • Tony Soprano
  • Rocky Balboa
  • Uncle Paulie
  • Every member of the Corleone family except Fredo, because fuck Fredo.
  • Mario
  • Luigi
  • Wario
  • Waluigi
  • The stupid stereotypical picture on some pizza boxes
  • That thing from the Little Ceasar’s commercials
  • The Noid (was he Italian?)
  • Get Your Fucking Shinebox
  • Al Pacino’s ridiculous portrayals of a Cuban/Puerto Rican

You know what? I’m all about celebrating Joe Pesci. That man’s a fucking treasure. We should have a Joe Pesci day – we can get kids shineboxes, set elaborate/painful traps in our homes, and accuse our siblings of fucking our wives.

Or maybe, just maybe, we need to stop celebrating holidays that were started by a pack of morons who liked equating themselves with knights, wizards, or random mammals as an excuse to drink their privileged lives away.

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day, folks.

Fuck Christopher Columbus.

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