Better fictional Italians to celebrate than Christopher Columbus:

• Chef Boyardee
• Tony Soprano
• Rocky Balboa
• Uncle Paulie
• Every member of the Corleone family except Fredo, because fuck Fredo.
• Mario
• Luigi
• Wario
• Waluigi
• The stupid stereotypical picture on some pizza boxes
• That thing from the Little Ceasar’s commercials
• The Noid (was he Italian?)
• Get Your Fucking Shinebox
• Al Pacino’s ridiculous portrayals of a Cuban/Puerto Rican

You know what? I’m all about celebrating Joe Pesci. That man’s a fucking treasure. We should have a Joe Pesci day – we can get kids shineboxes, set elaborate/painful traps in our homes, and accuse our siblings of fucking our wives.

Or maybe, just maybe, we need to stop celebrating holidays that were started by a pack of morons who liked equating themselves with knights, wizards, or random mammals as an excuse to drink their privileged lives away.

Happy Indigenous Peoples Day, folks.

Fuck Christopher Columbus.