Head’s up – if you hate my aggressive blog posts. Steer clear of this one.

 

Seriously.

 

Having had some time to think about the latest clusterfuck in the mystery/crime community in 2018 (of which there were many), I think there are a few things to address that covers not only the Fairstein debacle, but others as well.

So first – deep breath – I think it’s perfectly fine that people don’t know about behaviors or beliefs. I see a lot of folks expressing disappointment in themselves and shame, and I can appreciate that, but I don’t think it’s the right path. Are there people who SHOULD feel ashamed when things like this happen? Absolutely. Folks who set up events like these are ultimately responsible for vetting the people they bring in. That Fairstein was voted in by the MWA board lies on all those writers and readers. Frankly, that level of laziness or potential alignment with a shitty person says all it needs to say for me and establishes exactly how I’ll view the organization moving forward.

And again, that’s not on anyone else but the decision makers. Even if you make the argument that everyone was ignorant to the problem, sorry, when you take a role of responsibility you are taking the initiative to put in work. If that responsibility isn’t what a person signed up for, well, then maybe agreeing to taking a station solely for its shininess on your CV was a bad choice.

Second – as always, it took a woman of color to call out the bullshit, didn’t it? This is more where my grievances lie. The idea that marginalized people are always the ones that need to clean up the mess—that need to prioritize paying attention to all these things as a default—that shit is appalling. Don’t get me wrong, I know we’re at the start of getting anywhere near a shiny castle on that road, but it’s still frustrating.

Of course, the responses have been middling and condescending from Fairstein and a handful of others, as to be expected. As I write this, the MWA has been dead silent as they examine the virtues of maintaining an author nobody has heard of for Grandmaster even in the face of her being neck deep in one of the most controversial judicial railroadings in NYC history (which is saying A LOT when you look at the last 30 years).

Because evidence isn’t even enough when there’s privilege to maintain.

I can’t play the game the way other marginalized writers do. I’m not great at balancing my emotions to keep people comfortable, so I come into these things spicy and frankly, I think it’s justified (and a privilege I have since I am not anywhere NEAR shit on the way others are). I’m also not paid to be the “civilized” version of myself you’d meet in an office environment. Nah, you get loudmouth, Bronxy Angel for life.

So anyway; a point. I should have one of those. I can’t speak for everyone and to everyone. I can only speak for myself. I see people always go on about joining and changing things from within, but I’ve come to realize that the option is seemingly futile on many levels. You can’t change minds when they’re made and we’re up against some antiquated, dust bunny jammed, decaying mindsets here.

So, what the hell do we do?

Well, for one. You cut off the cash flow. The funny part about these orgs and conventions is they charge writers for access (to programs, events, and all the soul-crushing disappointment you can eat thanks to the cliques and rampant systemic racism).

That’s an easy start – say goodbye to my money. I don’t care to fund ugliness while running up a muddy hill with ice skates on—yeah, I can do that shit, but I’m the only idiot covered in mud. I can take that money and send it elsewhere—to places that try to make change and support diverse writers/fiction. Sisters in Crime, the Left Coast Crime even in March, and many other groups are out there. I can take the money saved on my dues and go buy a stack of books by authors who deserve the money (which is 100% what I did instead of reupping my MWA membership).

Ultimately, I think I’m done having people tell me how to make a change I want to see. I would rather go to where the people are open to working together; not depending on me to do all the work while they pat themselves on the back.

I’m of the opinion that there’s no such thing as pure originality when it comes to a premise in story. We derive inspiration from thousands of things – consciously and subconsciously – so it seems weird to believe otherwise.

That said, it’s difficult to hear calls for originality – for ‘out there’ stories and then have doors closed specifically for those reasons.

Because ‘original’ has a habit of becoming ‘unsellable’ really frigging fast.

It’s frustrating, but it’s nobody’s fault (which is even more frustrating, I’d like a target to lash out at sometimes). Comfort food sells well and there are times when the industry needs that dependable cash more than it needs something far left field.

And don’t let me act like I’m some kind of visionary. I wear my influences on my sleeves and collar and fucking pant legs. In my case, originality tends to be my constant wagging of a middle finger at convention whenever I have the chance. Also, that isn’t framing me as some kind of rebel – I think it’s mostly that I enjoy being an asshole when it comes to those things. Not sure – there’s other avenues for that kind of introspection.

Anyway – this is more of a venting/advice column today. As frustrating as it can be; when you’re out on query and trying to land an agent or a publication, it becomes harder and harder to keep that brave face on. Constant rejection is difficult and sometimes, it isn’t ultimately worth the effort. That’s OK, though. We’re all learning and we’re all trying our very best to sharpen our craft as best we can.

In short – being frustrated is better than being bitter. Keep moving. Keep writing. It’ll happen – or maybe not.

Not a big help, huh? 🙂

I have absolutely no idea how it’s already a few days before Thanksgiving. What the fuck man?

Anyway, I’m late on blogging since I was feeling like shit (yay cold) but felt one of those little what-I-be-thankful-for posts was pretty much appropriate.

That said, I’m going to play this like an acknowledgments page.

Thank you:

To the writers that keep me entertained and inspired – Gabino Iglesias, Paul Tremblay, Chris Holm, Jen Conley, Hilary Davidson, Nikki Dolson, Craig Clevenger, Sara J. Henry, and many, many others.

To writer buddies that keep me mostly sane – Chris Irvin, Nik Korpon, and Todd Robinson especially.

Google all those names and buy ALL THEIR BOOKS.

To anyone out there that’s bothered to read the work I’ve published. I have these flashes—at least once a week—of how absolutely mental it is to know people don’t think I suck. That’s something big for me and I appreciate that every fucking day.

To my family. For the understanding, patience, and support. I’m a lucky husband and father.

Have a great Thanksgiving, folks.

If you haven’t heard – I HAVE A FULL NOVEL COMING OUT.

I’ve been pretty active the past two weeks on Twitter and elsewhere trying to signal boost and while I know that 90% of that boosting is probably heard by the same x amount of people (sorry if it’s all so obnoxious), I guess what keeps me enthusiastic is the fact that there are SOME returns on these micro-investments.

And that’s a tough thing to really calculate before the book is completely out in the wild (Feb 4th, by the way). Will the emailing, tweeting, brainstorming, etc really matter?

I have no idea.

I used to think that was a bad thing. That the lack of a formal marketing platform that some authors get would ultimately make a lot of my effort futile at best. Obviously, a lack of tools is a detriment, but I’ve begun to realize that a) I’m not a horrible writer and b) I have the ability to get the word out about my work; albeit at a small scale. Ultimately, that’s OK and the mental expectation – for me – needs to meet that requirement.

Still, I don’t entirely disagree with wanting that pie in the sky scenario. I think it would be foolish to deny that. Writers, well, we’re ultimately needy/conceited/borderline narcissistic and while those traits aren’t very attractive in large doses, it’s probably to admit those things about us and find a means to balance those behaviors and feelings with positive action and better self-care.

What the hell is my point here – oh yeah, I guess this is more of a venting post about my apprehension to go all-out on promo. It seems silly since a lot of work has gone into HELL CHOSE ME and I’m truly proud of the work.

Hell, there are other people who think it’s good too! Look at what these two had to say about it without me holding any of their pets hostage:

 

“Angel Luis Colón’s knack for writing colorful, compromised
hooligans for whom you can’t help but root has garnered him a
loyal following, and his debut novel, Hell Chose Me, more than
delivers on the promise of his short fiction. Equal parts profound
and profane, Hell Chose Me is a damned good read—a vividly
imagined pulp nightmare best read through splayed fingers.”

 
—Chris Holm, Anthony Award-winning author of The Killing Kind

 
“Fueled by revenge and unapologetically bloody, Hell Chose Me
contains all the violent, morally conflicted elements you hope to
see in a classic hitman tale. However, this is not your parents’ noir.
Angel Luis Colón levels up in his first full-length novel with superb
writing and a voice that seizes you from page one. A dark, dirty,
gritty delight.”

—Jennifer Hillier, author of Jar of Hearts

Man, I’ve even got a review already up at Amazon and I’m genuinely grateful and proud of that. I really want people to enjoy this book. I’m still terrified and I’m still a little in the throes of that impostor syndrome.

I say this as I boast about the feedback on the book so far and totally understand how that’s a little contradictory too. I AM ALL TOO SELF-AWARE OF MY SHILLING AWFULNESS.

Ugh, it’s terrible. I’m a ball of conflict and nothing about this is unique at all.

Ultimately, it’s not the worse problem to have. I need get over myself and move forward.

Preorder HELL CHOSE ME here – https://www.amazon.com/dp/1948235609/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

If you’ve got NetGalley access, you can get your hands on an ARC here – https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/152718

Apologies in advance for the oncoming promo storms.

Be easy,

Angel

Writing’s hard.

Major breakthrough there. Everyone’s mind is blown.

I can list what makes writing hard, but everyone already has their own list. Each one is a little different, and we all share similar joys and stresses from jumping headfirst into a career of baring one’s literary ass for the world to see.

That said, the good things definitely outweigh the bad. The peers and friends we make for sure lessen the bullshit – they help to deafen all those doubts that go swimming around our heads 24/7.

So if I’m going to impart any sort of constructive lesson this week, take this one: look for the folks that make you laugh and make you feel like you. Never trouble yourself with those that need you to bend. It’s definitely not easy to do those things, but when you find that sweet spot, it’s fucking magical.

Lots of love to my MMM folks – can’t wait to see you all again real soon.